| ♥If you don't expect too much from me, you might not be let down♥ |
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| from my love- |
[04 Nov 2009|03:31am] |
"You put love in my
heart, music in my ears,
clothes on my back, sneakers
on my feet, food in
my locker, mail to read,
pictures to look at, and visits
for me to say, you're beautiful!
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| i can see the red taillights heading for spain |
[03 Nov 2009|05:39pm] |
auntie evie's got cancer.
i love her so much.
i saw her today and she's disappointed in me.
she's going to die disappointed in me.
grandma doesn't know yet.
i always said it would be one after the other.
i'm not ready.
she is.
she says 95 is enough.
i don't want her to die disappointed in me.
i don't want her to die.
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| yeah. |
[07 Oct 2009|05:41pm] |
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"I’m an addict. The thing that people don’t get is that there isn’t some fucking magical pill you can take to stop you being that addict." - Kelly Osbourne
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| deep man. |
[11 Sep 2009|03:57pm] |
there's so many times ive let you down,
so many times ive played around
but ill tell you now, they dont mean a thing.
every place i go i think of you...
every song i sing i sing for you...
when you get back ill wear your wedding ring
now the time has come to leave you,
oh one more time just let me kiss you
close your eyes and ill be on my way..
dream about the days to come,
when i wont have to leave alone,
about the times when i wont have to say...
KISS ME AND SMILE FOR ME
TELL ME THAT YOULL WAIT FOR ME
HOLD ME LIKE YOULL NEVER LET ME GO
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| om |
[20 Aug 2009|10:29pm] |
See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you
With or without you
With or without you
Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And Im waiting for you
With or without you
With or without you
I cant live
With or without you
And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away
My hands are tied
My body bruised, shes got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose
And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away
With or without you
With or without you
I cant live
With or without you
With or without you
With or without you
I cant live
With or without you
With or without you
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| ani ohevet otcha |
[30 Jul 2009|10:07pm] |
Seems like it was yesterday
When I saw your face
You told me how proud you were,
But I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
Ooh, ooh
I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there
Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside
But I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide
'Cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this, ooh
Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back
Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, oh
If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
Ooh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time
I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself..
By hurting you
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| so i've been thinking, and what the hell else is new with that? |
[22 Jul 2009|04:43am] |
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okayyy..so, i've lost some of the words in my head. argh... mad at myself for my phone being off..missed some very important phone calls i think..wont be able to talk to gino for like, a month, hope it doesn't rain tomorrow, gotta remember to be stronger than you...ok i think that's it.
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[26 Jun 2009|06:06pm] |
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this is the first time in my life i've ever had bags under my eyes. how long can a person walk around with this level of hate before something bad happens?
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| shit bro i miss you |
[27 Mar 2009|10:56am] |
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i dono i still fucking hate you i do you're a sick scumbag whore but i miss you..so if you see this call me, ill pick up i promise..
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| i dont member when i wrote this but all i wanna say is I LOVE HIM! |
[16 Jan 2009|09:22pm] |
Breathing deeply, walking backwards
Finding strength to call and ask her
Rollercoaster, favorite ride
Let me kiss you one last time
Leave me standing here
Act like I'm not around
The coast'll probably never clear
Can I please go home now
I had that dream about you again
Where I wait outside until you let me in
And there I stay
Lay beside me and listen out the wall
We'll keep on lying until the summer comes
I had that dream about you again
Where you drive my car right off the fucking cliff
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[07 Jan 2009|03:27pm] |
what was i thinking?
i wasn't.
there was a girl who just wanted to be loved and held and never let go. sometimes boys would come along who would promise this and sometimes she had so much love from her girlfriends but right now she didn't. there was a boy who made her heart go up and down and her stomach turn over but he said she came at a bad time. but when he looked at her and talked to her and kissed her back when she was sleeping it made her think it was the right time and he was just scared.
but 4 months is a long time to wait.
so what do i do when i wanna flirt and be silly but meanwhile i know inside i just want him and he's giving death looks from across the bar? or when a boy i liked 10 years ago tells me he goes there sometimes and the first thing i think is shit he's gonna know.
you're making me crazy. put up or shut up.
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| from the other day |
[26 Dec 2008|08:40pm] |
im watching videos of him stroking my head and he doesnt even pick up the phone for me anymore.
youll call me first to tell me your mothers dying but i havent heard from you since?
we probably would be together this christmas but youre having a baby.
it feels like you like me but you're so all over the place..
FUCK
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| i'm goin nutso |
[05 Dec 2008|12:22pm] |
yeah we walk through the door
so accusing their eyes
like they have any right at all to criticize
BREATHE
JUST BREATHE.
ain't been sober since maybe october of last year.
i'm remembering how much i liked omar
wanna hold him..maybe i'll just sing about it
alot.
if i get it all down on paper its no longer inside of me threatening the life it belongs to
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| hrm |
[04 Dec 2008|09:30am] |
its no fun, not being able to sleep.
they don't seem to get it, that withdrawal is a real and painful thing
that it's not that easy i can't sleep i can't think i can't eat
my body hurts
and it's not even a week.
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| oh goddd help me now |
[03 Dec 2008|03:32pm] |
ok..
i'm 23 -
i'm NOT going to dynamite!
NO FUCKIN WAY!
HELL NOO!
13 MONTHS!
HA!
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| priincess in waiting |
[12 Oct 2008|05:30am] |
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I hear him outside my window and I hate him so much..look at what my life's become and how much pain I'm in..I want him to be in this much pain. Who will protect me?
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| i can see it in your eyes |
[22 Sep 2008|06:44am] |
and it still wasn't enough.
"this is my girlfriend jennifer" - him
"i just want to be friends for now" - him
"i jerk off to your pictures" (lol) - him
"i asked him who he wanted to come and he said you" - his mom
"my brother's pissing me off, he keeps saying you're my girlfriend" - him
"no one talks to my girl like that" - him
"you know i'm not ready to be in a relationship" - him
how am i supposed to deal with him being all over me, kissing and hugging me, holding my hand wherever we go, and then 3 hours later turning his face when i go to kiss him..?
i can't. i can't deal. sooo..i'm out. it's breaking me a little inside, but..i'm out omar.
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| NOT WHAT I HEARD! |
[16 Sep 2008|03:04pm] |
i dont understand why you're not picking up your phone - nic
its his birthday! - me
so you ignore him?! - nic
lol.
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| wow |
[15 Sep 2008|01:49am] |
so i was goin through nic's myspace just goin ugh i hate him or i hate her or i hate all these people lolz,
and then i deleted mine, and i went through my friends to see if there was anyone i wanted to talk to you know..and what i found got me in that jen place i go to
even after 3 years you will never understand the full extent of damage that was done
seriously.
22 sucked!
there are a few people, that even though we might have only had a few stolen moments in the grand scheme of almost 23, that i would never take back. i think.......but then again since i never got the chance maybe i would..but i dont think soo
okay peeashhh
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| bah humbug |
[14 Sep 2008|12:40am] |
okayyy.
soo, me and omar started off quick quick which is never good..
sex is one thing, feelings are another, and sex is way easier for me to deal with.
but there was no sex, just a huge avalanche of feelings.
and goin to jerz, meeting the fam..him meeting mine, it was just so much so soon and it felt awesome i can't even tell you, i loved being with him, but when he did what he did it felt 10 times worse than it had felt good.
and was it worth it? i don't know. that day all i could think about was how many sticks i had in my bag and how much beer i could consume without looking like an alchie in front of his family..until i didn't give a shit about how i looked in front of his family.
and when his mom took my hand and said gimme a xanax, i wanted to cry because she was exactly the kind of mom i wanted my boyfriend to have..and he wasn't a boyfriend anymore.
so we spent almost 2 weeks barely talking until i went to jerz to get him. and i smiled the whole way there knowing i would get to see him..it was so bittersweet that first day..he touched me like i belonged to him but kissed me on the forehead and the cheek, and it was all i could do not to grab him and stick my tongue down his throat..
but i had missed him so much, just being near him, i didn't fuck it up..i didn't cry and beg lol...but boys will be boys and he layed on top of me and stroked my hair and kissed my neck and still no sex, just those huge crappy feeling that grew bigger and bigger until i thought i was gonna break down cause it was just too hard.
but i woke up the next morning next to him and looked at him while he slept and i felt different. and i woke him up and kissed him on the cheek and i did cry..i cried and cried and cried and i didn't know why, and he didn't get uncomfortable or tell me to stop or leave, he just let me cry and told me it was okay and understood and afterwards i felt so much better..like, i didn't need him to return those big feelings, and maybe they didn't have to be so big so fast.
so that brings us to now. where we talk every day and his mom calls me every other day and she wants me to help out with his birthday party on saturday which he's not supposed to know about. and now i don't know what my feelings are. i care about him a ton, and i love his mama and i never want him to not be in my life but i don't know exactly where he fits. and where do i fit in his?
if he showed up with a girl i'd die a little inside..which he wont cause he probably knows i'll be there anyway. but what if he wants to? and he talks about us just being friends but i know he doesn't just feel friendly towards me..but what about when he does meet a girl, or what if i meet a guy and i'm so intertwined with his life and his family and everything i don't know how it'll be.
or maybe we will end up together. do i want that? i just don't know..
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